In this guide
For an observant family, bringing a caregiver into a parent's home raises worries that other families do not have. Will the kitchen stay kosher? Will Shabbat feel like Shabbat? Will a parent have to explain their way of life every day? With some planning, the answer can be yes, it will feel like home.
This guide is practical, not a guide to halacha. For any halachic question, ask your family's rabbi.
At RightKind Care, we ask before we assume. We care for every kind of Jewish home, from the more secular to the highest stringencies of Orthodoxy, including Modern Orthodox, Conservative, Sephardic and Chassidish families, and our approach is guided by one of the most well-respected rabbis in the city. How we prepare a caregiver for your home is set out further down.
Start with your household's own practice
Every family keeps kosher and Shabbat in its own way. Before care starts, write down:
- Which dishes, pots, utensils and towels are meat, dairy and pareve, and where each set lives.
- Which hechsherim (kosher certifications) your family accepts.
- How the sink, oven, microwave and dishwasher are used.
- Who to call when something is unclear.
Set up the kitchen so it is easy to get right
A caregiver who is new to your kitchen does best with clear signals.
- Label or colour-code meat, dairy and pareve dishes, utensils and sponges. Many families use a colour, such as red for meat and blue for dairy.
- Keep the sets in separate cabinets, and mark look-alike items like knives and wooden spoons.
- Walk the caregiver through the kitchen on the first day, and leave a one-page summary on the fridge.
- Agree on a rule for mistakes: if something gets mixed up, set it aside and tell the family, so you can ask your rabbi. Nobody should guess.
Plan Shabbat and Yom Tov ahead
- Decide the schedule before Friday. Who is there over Shabbat, when shifts start and end, and how the caregiver gets home.
- Prepare together. Meals cooked before Shabbat, the hot plate or urn set up, lights and timers arranged.
- Explain what changes on Shabbat, such as the phone, lights and cooking, in your family's terms.
- Agree on the emergency plan. 911, and Hatzoloh if your family uses it, with the numbers by the phone.
- Holidays need their own plan. Pesach in particular can mean a different kitchen for a week.
Respect for modesty and custom
Personal care is intimate. Tell the agency your family's expectations about modesty, and whether your parent prefers a caregiver of the same gender. Share customs that matter: brachot before food, tefillin or tallis, getting to shul, a quiet room during davening.
What a caregiver may need to learn
Every home is different. Pick what applies to your family and write it down for the caregiver:
- Shabbat and Yom Tov: getting the home ready before Shabbat, Shabbat candles and candle-lighting time, Kiddush and Havdalah, Pesach and other holiday preparation, fast days.
- Prayer and religious articles: tallis and tefillin, kippah and tzitzit, a quiet time and place for davening, respect for sefarim and holy items.
- Kitchen and food: meat, dairy and pareve, your hechsherim, washing before bread and pausing for brachot.
- Modesty and personal care: hair covering (tichel, sheitel or hat), modest dress, privacy, and whether a caregiver of the same gender is preferred.
- Community life: getting to shul, shiurim, simchas and shiva visits, and familiar Yiddish or Hebrew words.
Choosing a caregiver who understands
Experience matters more than a promise. Ask any provider:
- How do you learn our family's own practice, rather than assuming one standard?
- How is the caregiver trained for our home, and how do you check they learned it?
- Who teaches tallis, tefillin and the kitchen, and is it done in person?
- Who does the caregiver ask when something is unclear?
- How are Shabbat shifts and emergencies planned?
Our guide to choosing a home care agency lists more questions.
How RightKind Care prepares a caregiver for your home
- Your answers come first. When we build the care plan, we learn your family's practice: kosher meal preparation, Shabbat and Yom Tov, shul decorum, tallis and tefillin, and places or items a caregiver should not go near or touch.
- A workbook written for your family. Every caregiver studies our cultural care workbook. It always stays open: once we have your answers, we add your customs and needs.
- A quiz they must pass with 100%. The caregiver completes a competency quiz built from that workbook, including your family's specifics. Anything less than 100% means more study and another attempt.
- Hands-on training. Tallis and tefillin are taught in person: how to help put them on, adjust them, then wrap, fold and put them away. Other rituals are taught in person, virtually or with cheat sheets, plus materials and videos to review.
- Your kitchen, your rules. For a kosher home we train in the kitchen itself: meat, dairy and pareve, and every norm of your kitchen. We help with a kosher meal plan and, where needed, a guide to kosher symbols for shopping. The caregiver keeps a binder and a cheat sheet on the fridge.
- Supported from the first day. When it helps, we shadow the caregiver on the first day. After that we supervise and stay available, and caregivers bring any question to the family or the coordinator, who checks with the family.
Caregivers also take part in periodic Holocaust education as professional development. See cultural and halachic care.
Questions families ask
Does the caregiver need to be Jewish to keep our kitchen kosher?
Not necessarily. What matters most is experience in observant homes, clear labels and routines, and a family member or rabbi to ask when something is unclear.
What if a mistake happens in the kitchen?
Set the item aside, do not use it, and ask your family's rabbi. It is better to pause than to guess.
Moshe started RightKind Care after his own family needed extra help at home. He writes these guides so other families have the plain answers he wished he had. Read his story →
